If you don't play you simply cannot win

I'm not an expert when is the topic is “relationships”; if I would I surely would not be alone right now writing this post. Nevertheless I would like to share a few thoughts. A collection of thoughts which I learned, listened and shared with some friends.

Love is a gamble.

If you once ask someone about love, they (mostly) are going to tell you a story of a heart break. Many people connect love with suffering. The relationship may have lasted for 5 years, but they remembered instead only the last year, the last months, the last days... when everything was summarised into a single word “pain”. Why can't they tell about the day they met? Or the lovely time they used to spend together? The funniest situation.

I do believe – and it is not that hard to realise – that everything has a beginning, middle and end. So is with romance, relationships and marriage. If you remember this, you would stop listening the same old story “so many years, that was a pity, it didn't work!” Of course it worked and even for “many years”. Now it is over and you can go on. Find a new love. If you have an open mind, you can have many love stories. Don't forget how beautiful is to fall in love =)

Another friend told me that she will never find someone to “complete” herself. I use to reply: no, you will not. One doesn't complete the other one. I, as a mathematician, believe we can sum up together. Sometimes you cannot give 100% to yourself. How can you expect more from another one??!

Stop believing on a complete or perfect match. I do repeat: there is no one perfect. One is really pretty, but insensible. The other one kind and funny, but unfaithful. Some faithful, but not a talented in bed. Altogether, we cannot find. You should first pick what is the most important for you and then put some effort to find it. Or, at least, you should know what you don't want!

I remember one scene of the film 500 days of Summer: one guy is describing her dream girl completely different as his current girlfriend looks like, however he adds such a lovely quote “Robin is better than the girl of my dreams. She's real.”

You should feel when you click with someone. The most important is to fell some chemistry; also called attraction. Later on it could be love, but while you don't know what it is – enjoy this attraction. Some researches even say that we have three kind of attraction: social, sexual and comfort. If you find all in one person, you will (most probably) find the Mr/Mrs right for you.

I guess the most difficult part in a relationship (rather the end of it) is to accept that the other one does not want the same thing as you wish. Some does not want try anymore. And you should understand that they also have the right of not wanting. Please, let them go!

Some doesn't know what they want. If they have doubts about, it is their problem. You can either wait... or not! You decide. But don't waste your time. Some people really need to be alone to realise how they miss you. To fell how it would be living without you. It is normal to have some fears or questions. If this person REALLY likes you, he or she will return to you. Otherwise, do not make any drama! Don't push too much! It is a way better if he/she wants to be with you, only because of you – and vice-versa. Both should feel the same and both should want the same.

Do not stay with someone only because of pressure or pity! Or even because you don't want to be alone. I hope you are not so boring and without friends that you are afraid of your own companion. I would choose to share my joy with someone else and make my partner happy and loved. What do you choose?

I cannot lie to myself: sometimes love hurts. Plenty of times you would be jealous, anger, frustrated and so forth. That is normal. It comes with the whole package – you cannot have only the benefits! Your are living with another person, quite different universe. It will not be always the way you would like.

The worse kind of partner is the one afraid of commitment. It is a serious issue, just search for “commitment phobia” and you can read what psychologist say about it. Anyway, if you're about to date someone who keeps talking about this fear – trust me “run away!”. The sooner, the better. Like I always say “I am not a therapist”. If you are not ready or afraid of commitment, then don't start looking for someone. Better advise: just buy a plant or a pet. There are more predictable. In life and love we don't have guarantees.

What do we learn so far? Not everyone we go out is the one to get marriage. Not every kiss is to fall in love. And not even the best sex is to be discarded... or to fall in love... or to feel guilty! – as Arnaldo Jabor said.

Love like you never have been hurt! Love even without guarantees – Daring greatly. As my friend always quotes: don't expect things to happen. It's better to feel surprised than to feel disappointed.